Not For Commercial Use

Another pusher sleeve on my food processor snapped. Let's see. That makes how many? Four in seven years? The bowl got replaced once and I think I've replaced the lid, as well. The most annoying breakages are the plastic widgey bits that trigger the safety releases. (And with my track record, I need all of the safety measures they can dream up!) I can't blame all of the wear on the plastic, though. I ended up replacing the all-purpose blade along with the pusher sleeve. That's Number 3 for that type of blade. This one had stress fractures at the rivets. How did that happen? I'm on my third slicing blade, too. Hey, ten potatoes sliced two ways once a week puts some wear on a surface. The teeth on these instruments of mass destruction have been visibly worn down. I suppose that it's only fair to put the old ones out to pasture. And this is just my Cuisinart.

My Kitchen Aid mixer is starting to show the mileage, too. The lovely plastic coating on the beater paddle is worn off around the tip and the metal underneath is showing wear, too. Don't ask me about my balloon whip. Just don't. I'm telling Tool Guy that it ran away from home. Oh, hush. I think he believes me...

Then there are the Oster hand blenders. Yes. Plural. I know that a $30 hand blender probably isn't going to be an heirloom piece of equipment that will grace Princess or Bug's kitchen. I know that. But I do, Breatharian, expect it to last longer than six weeks. The first one that I blew through could have been a fluke. I could have snagged something that stripped out the plastic gears in the shaft. But there's no reason that the simple drag and torque from mere coconut milk should similarly strip out the plastic gears and crack the shaft housing. In two other blenders. No way. I think I'm going to donate my kitchen to Consumer Reports.

I've worn out a K-tec grain mill and its daughter has come to live with us. I realized the magnitude of what I'm doing when I bought a Retsel Mill-rite, thinking that this would be the best and last grain mill I would ever buy. Until I read the paperwork that said they estimated that the average home use would be an hour a week. (Insert derisive snort.) Anything beyond that would be considered commercial use. I've determined that anything that bears the label "not for commercial use" doesn't belong in my kitchen. So I guess it is official. I run a commercial kitchen. Lucky that Tool Guy inspects kitchens for a living. Got that base covered. At least.

I'm glad my food processor is back up to speed now. Although walnuts are tettering on the brink of successful reintroduction, we're not quite there yet. And even if we were, the current climate for nut butters isn't encouraging. Food integrity continues to be compromised. A recent discussion about Nutella raised a craving in me and started the creative juices looking for a replacement. It is for this kind of job that I forgive my Retsel for the fastidious limitations and "not for commercial use" injunctions.

"Seed-ella"

2 cups sunflower seeds or similarly mild-tasting seed
1 cup (or sufficient to make smooth) of rice bran or other oil
1/2 tsp. salt or to taste
1-2 T maple syrup or favorite sweetener to taste
2 tsp. cocoa powder or to taste

Run seeds through food processor or mill to render into a smooth paste. The Retsel Millrite does a very credible job of making this...much better than the food processor, which tends to yield a less smooth product. Put this paste into the food processor or blender and add remaining ingredients until well incorporated.

Dog viewed it suspiciously, but after I'd told him to take a bite, "because it's horrible," he quirked an eyebrow at me and bit. And hasn't stopped biting. Sin on a Spoon is still at the top of the favorites list, but this Seedella has SOS's crown wobbling. Absolutely decadent.

My stove gallantly chugs along. But it has needed a few tweaks along the way. The heat from the amount of cooking that I do has degraded the wire coating and resulted in a few of my electronic ignition wires shorting out. I disconnected the shorted ones and am waiting until all four are gone before I call a repair specialist to replace the whole harness. You already know about the gumbo fountain and I refuse to discuss the oven fire. Categorically. Let's suffice it to say that I am now intimately acquainted with all of my stove's ways.When I say "cookin' dangerously," it isn't always an expression of hyperbole. I may not be the Iron Chef...but I'm definitely nominating myself as the Asbestos Chef.